Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
