U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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