had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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