I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
