I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
