and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize