It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
