Swine flu. Run for my life!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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