Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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