I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
