Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
