Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
