I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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