I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize