dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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