How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
