Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
