i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
