well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
