HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
