"it" just moved
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
