She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I need moral support for this bender
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
