is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
