DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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