I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
