I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
