holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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