so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
