Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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