so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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