I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
