I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
