Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
