we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
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IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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