fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
