i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
