He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
