Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
