dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
