so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
All I want is dick and wine.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
