Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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