she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
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