I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
