We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
