I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
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How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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