...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
