I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
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