I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
