theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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