ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
