just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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