what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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