Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Bring me that man meat
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
