If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
there is glitter all over my balls
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
