We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
