I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
