Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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