Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
