It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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