This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
