You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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