doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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