Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
