The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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