I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
