I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I need to calm my uterus...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
